Week Two (Weak Minded)

As I sit here, I am just reflecting on the last 7 days in Rockford. Week 2 was way different than the first week. That being said, week 2 was a huge growing time for me, as it was for every single student that is part of this program. God really just wrecked my whole train of thought, how I saw myself, and really changed how I view this year in a whole.

Let start this portion by saying, no matter what you're going through, God can create that moment to show you that he is with you and he can help you grow in every situation. God is awesome. This week started off great. It was my birthday. What can beat that? Oh yeah! Having a free day, surrounded by a bunch of guys that you have grown close with. I had such an awesome day. It helped me realize that these guys actually care about me. Im so thankful for everyone who wished me happy birthday back home, and helped have a part in making my birthday special. That was day one of this week. Prepare yourself for the journey that I'm about to lay out for you from the rest of the week.

Tuesday morning, we awake and are called to meet at a park at 7 am, just as the sun is coming up. Now, I have always thought of myself as a pretty tough person. I have always figured any physical challenge I could push through. I weight train all the time, followed by conditioning. I have competed in some of the toughest sports in high school. God ruined my perception of myself that morning. I am weak. I have to keep this vague as to not ruin it for any of you reading that may come to Rockford later on. But we all were thrown into a physical spiral. The only things we were told were that we can not talk, do as we are told, and if we can't go any longer, to go sit by the tree. As we started, I figured that I would breeze past this. As people started dropping out, I thought to myself, 'this is easy'. I kept pushing myself. There came a moment where I saw a bunch of guys drop out, and so I fell out. What is going through my head right now is very important to what God used in my head to ponder on. As I started to see a majority of people fall out, all I could think is 'I've made it farther than MOST' 'Theres no PURPOSE for this right now' 'Just GIVE IN, you don't want to get tired, its not worth it.' So I QUIT. I FAILED. But I didn't know I had failed. Thats when God started to work on me.

Purpose. At the time, I didn't see a purpose to this. I honestly started to question what I was doing here. Thats why I quit before the challenge was completed. As I sat and reflected on it, it all boiled down to my loyalty. Had it been wrestling, I would have pushed hard because I saw the purpose. But since I didn't see purpose, I wasn't loyal. This is the first thing that God showed me I need to work on. In the Bible, Colossians 3;17 says that whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. Basically that means give 100% no matter what you are doing. Instant conviction when I thought on this. There are going to be things I don't want to do, probably won't understand why I am doing it, but the true test is if I will give my all cause thats what Christ calls us to do.

Most. When I was thinking about that, and talking to others, I remembered why I came to Rockford. It wasn't to be like everyone else. It wasn't to be average. It was to stand out and be unlike anyone before me and after me. So I got really upset with myself about this. Why did I think it was okay to just be average. I have learned that I can't compare myself to others, and I know it'll be a constant battle, but I will truly be happy once I can run my own race.

Give in, Quit, Failed. Nobody wants to hear these words. It can instantly make a man like me want to just shut down. And thats what the enemy wants. But something that Lance said, and it really stuck with me, "failure isn't fatal". He follows that up by saying, "failure isn't fatal, but failure to change just might be". I learned that I am weak mentally. Really weak. What some of you don't know, and I am being really transparent right now, is I deal with insecurities really bad. I never feel good enough. I am never confident in anything. I have realized that is because I am mentally weak. I let the devil dictate what goes on in my head and I can't fight back. This was my biggest take away from this week. I need to start being tough mentally and fight back against the devil. This relates to me quitting, because my mind shut down way before my body would have. Once I start toughening up mentally, nothing will be able to stop me.

This is all from one day. The rest of my week was great. Wednesday we had a fun day, and by fun I mean it was really tough, but I used my mindset from the day before and actually enjoyed every second of the day. Thursday through Saturday we disconnected from technology and went camping, it was beautiful.

Things I need prayer for. I have an interview Tuesday for UPS. I am excited to start working again, but I need it to fit into my schedule and still enjoy my time here. We also start Tuesday going full force into our internships. I am doing the youth track tip December and I am so excited for this. Youth is my passion. Please pray that if God wants me to do this after I leave Rockford he will reveal it to me and allow me to enjoy it, but if its not my calling he will be very open about it. God closed the door on the wrestling coach thing. It just wasn't in my time frame. But thats okay cause I know he has me in the exact path that benefits me the most. Also, pray for all of us as we continue to grow and study Gods word and press on to him. If you are getting this in email form, please subscribe to my Blog for more content than just the weekly update. https://double-a-ron.wixsite.com/cflc-timothysturm . Again, thank you all for the support spiritually.

Love you all,

Timmy